"It's Okay Not To Be Okay, Okay?"

It's that saying that is everywhere. Cliché as it is, it stands to be true. We do not always have to be happy and strong. We, as humans, are allowed to be sad, angry, stressed, anxious and a heap of other emotions. We are allowed to make mistakes and we are allowed to turn around and say; "No." 

I have just recieved a HND in Acting and Performance. After 8 years of working towards going to a a drama school or performing arts college, after 2 years of hard work in Edinburgh College, I turned around and said, "This isn't for me anymore." Much to my family's dismay. They were probably happy that I am no longer chasing a little girl's dream but they're quick to respond with, "Well if acting isn't what you want to do, then what is?" Which I answer, "I don't know." I am back to the question; what do I want to be when I grow up?

The plan I have had for 8 years is suddenly gone and I am lost in this big bad world. But you know what?  I had the courage to walk away from something that was making me unhappy. It was. Believe it or not, being an actor is stressful. There is so much pressure with it and you need to be a certain type of person to make it in that industry. I'm not really that type. I was fooling myself for a year and a half, trying to convince myself that being an actor was my destiny, but maybe it's not. My heart wasn't in it. It is absolutely fine to walk away. Do not keep doing something if you're not wanting to. You have control of your own life. 

Everyone changes through the years. I am not the same person I was 8 years ago. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. Everyone changes. Views change, priorities change and goals change. 

Am I scared? Yes. I don''t know what I want to do with the rest of my life and I have no idea where to start. I have so many other things going on right now which I need to sort out, I need to do that first. I'm going to be 20 this year and I wont be retired until I'm probably about 70. So I have a while to decide on a career. I just need to relax for the rest of the year and enjoy life. I'm going to try and enjoy every day. Find something to do. Enjoy working, learn more and experience as much as I can with this first year of my life out of education. 

Just remember this saying:  "It will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end." 
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