As my first year of University is drawing to an end, I find myself reflecting over the past 10 months. I feel a change within myself, a shift in perspective and wants.
The move to Stirling wasn't easy in the slightest. I felt that the life that I had solely built in Edinburgh had come crashing down. No longer was I in the comfortable , work, blog, party routine. Edinburgh gave me a family from friends and in Stirling, I was alone. Over time I had to stop running back to the city every weekend and I had to decline blogging events because I had to study. I was missing out. I was missing my life and in general missing the easiness of my Edinburgh lifestyle.
Nights I cried and pined for my old life where my friends were on my step. I miss the crowds along Princes Street, the bagpipe player at the Scots Monument and the historic architecture that hugs you as you stroll down the Royal Mile.
Last month I announced to my Grandparents that I was looking at flats in Edinburgh to move to back. The drama queen that I am, wallowed in self pity and dwelled on how 'shit Stirling is'. Of course I'd continue with my studies. My plan was to commute, I go to Edinburgh usually at least once a week anyway so I know the hour's journey doesn't bother me. Finance was the main frustration and after a good 10 minutes of hearing me whinge and whine, My Nana lectured me on my lack of concentration to my studies as I was going out most weekends, "You've already had the party life for 3 years. It's time to focus on whats important" while my my Granddad took a breath and added "You're just going to have to persevere. You'll be stronger for it. I promise".
After sulking for a few days, I decided enough was enough. With an exam coming up and plenty of free time, I revised, met up with a friend who is still in Stirling and of course went through to Edinburgh a lot. It was a good balance. It is a good balance.
I'd say have a busy lifestyle. I make it busy and I have learnt to enjoy the peace of sleepy Stirling. The hour train ride gives me time to relax after a buzzing event or sleep off my hangover from the night before. I can concentrate on my revision, my course work which will hopefully push me into the professional field of journalism. My mum calls it a 'stopping place', my life in Stirling is temporary and I should be making the most of it. Not in the way of "living life to the full on jager bombs and one night stands" but in the way that I should be using this time to better my professional skills, essay skills and connections.
Persevere.
Nothing worth having comes easy. It's hard work and strength is needed to push through obstacles and jump over hurdles.
Stirling was the place where it forced me to be on my own. I found contentment in my own company and the ability to relax. For the past week I have been going on walks on my own and appreciate the Stirling surroundings of mountains and sights. Teaching myself to like the town I have ended up in.
This year at university hasn't been great in academic terms. Yes, I have learnt a lot in class and know that it's what I want to do, but my pining for an old life has distracted me for when my focus is needed most. As much as I hate to admit it, this is my last chance. And what I hate to admit more, is that I haven't been as studious as I wanted and I am in fact struggling with the course work. It would be easy to give up now. But I can't. I want to persevere. I want to be successful and I want to prove to myself that the sadness I felt will be worth it. I have accepted that Stirling is the place I need to be. Whats more, I need to be okay with it. There is no point in me being here if I'm not going to excel in the course I came here to do. And when I do, I can enjoy visiting my Edinburgh and revel in everything it has to offer.
The power of perseverance has made me realise what is important now. I want to work hard and keep the focus. University might be tough, but I know it's the right thing for me. I will make it the right thing. I refuse to be someone who will spend 4 years studying just to work behind a bar.
I am going to persevere.
I am going to make something out of myself.
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